Confessions of an…

Octogenarian

Even though I have passed the eighty mark, it only occurred to me the other week for the very first time that I am now an octogenarian. That was a sobering thought, when you put it in just those terms. I had felt that turning eighty was liberating in so many ways. It was a milestone reached that so many people do not have the privilege of accomplishing. I did not have to hide the fact that I was seventy-something any longer, but I could say with some pride, “I’m eighty.” But an octogenarian? Really?

So today, driving along, what came out over the radio speakers? It was Roy Clark singing “Yesterday, When I Was Young.” Slap me in the face with it, will you? I already get countless old-people jokes and cartoons. But it was good to hear old Roy. Mickey Mantle requested Roy to sing this song at Mickey’s funeral. I guess he made the request in advance. If you want to give a listen, here is the YouTube website.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEY4LxORCeo

Confessions of a…

Worried Man

As I read the paper each day, I feel I ought to be more concerned about the state of the world today. Maybe it is the ennui of being older, but I conclude that it is just as well that I will not be around thirty years from now to solve all the problems of the world. Of course, our grandparents probably felt similar concerns when our parents lived through the Roaring Twenties and our parents worried about us in the turbulent sixties, when we were still somewhat young and tender.

Does anyone remember reading 1984 by George Orwell? It seems to me that we are close to the all-seeing brother only twenty-four years later. Today I was reading how we are tracked everywhere we go via our cell phone and social networking. It almost pays to be un-sociable.

There is a lot to be said for looking back as well as looking back. Nostalgia for the times gone by with plenty of memories; presuming we focus on the good ones. Ah, memories. Jack Davis recently sent the following. I especially agree with number 24.

              Our Mothers & Fathers

Most of our generation of 60+ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

” Because I said so, that’s why   .”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC ..

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

This should only be sent to the over 60 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents…